Ç'est La Vie

Because I Love You

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 23:51:22 GMT

today I went to an old comic/gaming shop I used to go to as a kid. The guy working and I began talking about stuff: the economy, business, the trade, etc. I ended up picking a manga: Kamikaze Girls. I loved the movie so I figured why not.

Inside of it, it has another story...it's totally my story. I'm still a little girl wishing to be an adult. But because I love you, I try even harder sometimes and fail greatly. I'm the pinky-ring princess...because i'm not an adult yet, though I dream to be a bride.

I'm young, naïve, obnoxious, and everything an adult wouldn't be. But I don't care how old I am. I want to be an adult because I want to be with you.

I don't know how to act around you. I'm too young to understand...but I just want you to try to deal with me for now. I never know what to say to you. If I seem boring or unintelligent it's only because you take my breath away and I want to say too many things at once. I don't know what I should say. I'm so focused on impressing you that...that I can't even really talk to you.

*sigh*

Today just got better

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 22:43:19 GMT

I have another KUYA!!!!

=D And he's so badass at that! YAY!!! He called me ading! I feel loved.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Too bad he JUST (finally?? He's a lot older) moved out of gville. FAIL! Oh well, I'll visit him sometime, vice versa.

C'est la vie: Love Triangle

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 05:18:11 GMT

Yeah title says it all. I dont' really feel like going in depth about the situation on lj right now.

Right now I'm soo sore. I'm sore from football. I'm sore from basketball. I'm sore from dance. My knees are in pain. I still have an all night rehearsal tomorrow. 6 til I die at 1 or 2am.

I have to muster the strength out of myself to finish my presentation for tomorrow. Then I have to pray that I wake up....I'm pushing myself to my limits. Hopefully, I can continue through. Hopefully my body understands that it needs to break those limits.

I need to be what I use to. A Machine. I need to revive soon. I've been wiating....these past two years, maybe more, I've been waiting for that moment that I revive. That moment that I regain the limit breaking ability. When I could focus. When I could be in deep thought for long periods of time. When I actually accomplished shit.

I'm sure if I went to Columbia, I would've never shut off. I would have NO social life, but I would be using my full capacity. I feel like a dead beat punching bag right now. I feel lifeless and unintelligent here.

I need to stimulate my brain. I need a jump. I've had moments here at UF. Mostly on all my papers.

It's funny. I get C's because I don't go to class and don't do hw. It's not because of anything else. My papers are ace. My tests, when I try, are ace. If I would put some effort into the things I do...man, I'd be fucking ace.

That's what gets me. If I would just fucking try, I would have no problems.

What happened to me? Why don't I just give a damn? If I gave a damn, then I wouldn't have all these problems.

bfhdsbfhjdbgf BLAHHHH

Just Peachy...mother fucking shit

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:33:07 GMT

FUCK MY LIFE.

My computer crashed. great.

I have a test Monday. My notes are on that laptop.

I officially am not having a good day/night/whatever the fuck it is right now. 3:29 am at the school's arch lab.

T_________________________T

I feel so hopeless and frustrated. A) I don't own the book yet for the class that the test is on Monday
B) I have a study session for this test tomorrow
C) ALL MY FRIGGIN' MOTHER FUCKING NOTES ARE ON MY CRASHED FUCKING COMPUTER WHICH WAS WORKING FINE BEFORE I ARRIVED AT THE ARCH LAB!

Can I slam my computer yet? No, cause it's not quite that dead.

Apparently I will need a new motherboard and it all has to do with the sound card, whatever the fuck.

FML.
<3,
Jo-Ann
(mother fuckers).

I officially hate Bill Gates and all that is related to my once almighty HP products. Both can suck my dick.

=D
Have a nice day.

ok so now realllyyyy FML

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 06:50:26 GMT

Forget everything from previous posts.

I got my car towed.

again.

GHEY.

fml.

Nike (Just Do it)

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 03:05:18 GMT

Comment and I will...

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

Oh big..

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 01:41:35 GMT

ANH! KUYA! WHY?!

She's not right for you. She's...honestly...a whore??? Ok, maybe that's harsh, but she in this semester alone has been all over: Nick, Kevin H, Alan, Brandon, and now YOU?? Uhh no. I don't think so.

Please, gtf away.....

ughhh!!!! What are you trying to do? ruin your reputation?? ugh.

She's not good enough for you. Seriously. She's not.

My little is right

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 02:59:52 GMT

I'm such a cougar. LOL

Everything is coming back together?

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 03:43:13 GMT

So I dropped a course and I attended class for the first time in three weeks, finally.

I just don't know...

I don't what happened to me. I guess I really was burned out and I just needed to recover. I think I'm good now. I'm like back to me now. Not completely, but I'm getting there. Thanks to my true friends.

i spoke to a friend last night and he really helped me out. I saw him today and we talked some. Though he's disappointed in me, he still inspired me to look out for me. He helped me a lot. I'm glad.

I'm finally doing things for ME not others. It feels good. This time it feels good. =)

I'll respond later

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 21:43:47 GMT

I read ljs, getback to you guys later.

Right now, my eyes are on fire. Burning fire.

I hate being sick.

AND I hate this whole situation.

I also hate Nam's behavior with me lately.

But you know my whole behavior to everything/everyone? i don't care. fuck it.

You know why? cause I'm over all of it. i'm too sick to deal with that shit.

Did I mention?

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 05:22:20 GMT

Fuck my life...

I give up.

completely.

good night.

fuck....

hate my life.

hate koreans.

hate men.

hate women.

hate myself.

therefore, fuck my life.

Fuck my life

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 04:58:58 GMT

srsly.

srsly?!

fuck.

Of course...it's me. what else do I expect?

No, every time I expect things to go my way. ugh....

Fuck.

True Friends

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 06:26:24 GMT

I know I didn't let some of you respond in time to the last two entries but,

I must say that I'm glad the people who are my true friends surround me. They're all here for me when I need it the most. It's very comforting.

So I came into the arch lab and I mean my eyes don't instantly heal from the tears so my friends rush to ask me what's wrong. I end up telling the story and of course crying some more, but I felt so much better. My friends assured me that I don't need people like that. But also to realize that I shouldn't let a few bad people ruin an entire thing for me.

I'm really glad that there are some people in this world that aren't fake. I'm glad I found people that call me a good friend.

I hope the rest of my birthday is much better. =) It's looking hopeful.

It's my birthday

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 05:27:26 GMT

but i don't want to cry...so why am I?

Because people are evil. People backstab. People talk shit. And I'm fed up.

FSA 'pamilya' huh?? bull-fucking-shit.

So apparently more than just a couple of people talk shit. So everyone who I thought were my friends....they're not. So they can mother fucking suck my dick.

Don't like my ideas? Then I'll never be on a committee again.

Talk shit. I don't care. That just means you won't get my help.

"Oh Jo-Ann can Lollicup do blahblahblah" fuck no. Hell fucking no. I will tell Nam not to. FSA doesn't need that shit.

So I'm done. Sorry for whoever is my ading, but I'm no longer a member of FSA.

Best Weekend ever

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 18:39:01 GMT

Just because I've been drunk or asleep for most of it. HOO~!

Oh Gawd

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 07:55:29 GMT

Me and Koreans...me and Korean boys....

He's soo cute. Right in front of me. So hot talking to me about sports and just everything.

He's soo hot and cute. Oh how I wish....I can only wish.

Ehhhhh, eye candy is so nice to have on these late night study ventures.

He has a really nice smile. =)

I'm in a good mood again.

What'shisface ruined my mood earlier. made me cry....

So this is a nice contrast. =D he makes me smile. So hot.

hgyugvshdyufhyugrsighdifyhv.

Korean boys get me excited and happy.

Fuck.

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:58:59 GMT

I love how people(including myself) just all push things on me(myself)and are like "Ok, great." and that's the end of everything.

So now, I'm on Education committe, On on Kmonth, but I'm also in charge of an event for Kmonth. AND choreographing for KUSA. great.....-_-'''

PLUS WORK.

It's almost as if I'm saying FUCK sleep at this point. Cause ya know...I can't say fuck school. Even though I totally BOMBED my first Viet test this morning....).(

Mid-term friday....followed by a double shift at work. 3-cl. Yay.....-_-'''

I had yesterday and have today off. Using it wisely...ugh. I'm basically getting no sleep wednesday on. ).(

I wish caffeine kept me awake...I wish anything kept me awake....).(

T____________________T

Oh and yeah....fuck my love life.

Birthday coming up. HOO~! FOR DRUNKEN FUNNESS!!!!

I hate it when

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:04:43 GMT

He's right.....

He looks out for me, but he alsol...fjiugfsfhdiughfziufhdfyu!

Again, hdsigffiyghgf: boys.

He's right, he's caring,but at the same time....it makes me soo emo/self-conscious. garrrrr. >.<

Why did I haveto fall for HIM....>.<

hate my life >.

omg

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 20:44:13 GMT

He's soo hot. Just my luck.

I come early to a meeting and I get a little treat, hehehe. He was hot when i looked athim but then he opened his mouth and it was like "sheer gorgeous!!!"

Oh me and koreans.....Mmmm....I love FOBs. ROFLMFAO.

He's so H.O.T. hahaha get it? like the Korean boy band XD!!!

arghhfiuhiufhbdfiybdg

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 19:01:06 GMT

boys.

Inside of my heart

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 17:58:38 GMT

Is an army of angels. (love that song)

Anyway,

Choreographing really absorbs you...I've noticed that from when I wake up to when I go to bed I'm thinking of my moves, whether it's just going over them or if it's tweaking them or trying to figure out what to do for a count.
Plus sports and work and AASU edu committee.....I don't have time for school. Which is what I wanted to avoid.

Kuya/Anh Robert gave me a talk the other day and what he said was right. It's better to do a few things really good rather than doing a lot of things. I just feel compelled...I don't know...it's just in me. I've been ingrained into this way, so now I have to change it and it's hard. it's going to be hard. So I'm going to make a list of things and then rank them in importance.

School
Work
Sports
Dance
Edu Committee
KMonth
going to Events
hanging out with friends

So what's the game plan?
School comes first, but schedule wise I schedule work and dance first. Then the blanks I fill in with study time. THEN after that if I have time I will do edu comm and KMonth stuff. Then sports will have to become hanging out with friends.

So yes, that means no more going to every event. So what if I don't go to FSA meetings? So what if I miss meetings? I have duties and priorities. I can't fail this semester. That's the MOST important thing to me.

I think I have this working out on paper. So now, let's make it happen. Actions speak louder than words, so let me speak!

GAMBARU!

Shaking

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:03:50 GMT

Ok, the most embarrassing moment happened to me ever just now.

I'm veryyyyyyyy conscious of myself and stuff so me turning around and seeing raf there scared the shit out of me.

I was of course dancing. To Billy talent nonetheless.

Dear Lord help me. I was dancing, freestyle?, craziness with raf watching. Well, he wasn't watching. He was getting cereal. But still. He saw.

I can never dance in my apartment again. I'll never trust that he's home again.

I mean...it's not really embarrassing, but for me it is. In my mind it is. So many things that probably won't happen, but what if they do? like what if he goes making fun of me later? Not that he's mean, but just having a good laugh. I'd die. mostly because of my sensitivity to how people think of me.

Damn....he was home the whole time??? I've been watching tv listening to music and dancing this whole time. He was asleep??????

fuck....Why did HE have to see me in my element. I don't like being seen in my element.

Did I mention my roommate is a choreographer/dancer? Yeah, Raf is totally the head choreographer for FSA and he's like an amazing dancer.

Fuck. Why does this embarrassing shit happen to me??

Like in High school, I twisted my ankle badly. Wanna know how? Dancing. Now, it's not really an embarrassing thing, but back then my parents couldn't stop laughing. Even now, they make fun of me dancing and stuff.

Fuck. My nerves are sooo shot. I mean, he did scare me. I didn't think he was home. Fuck.

bfubguvhbibf. Why me?

Feeling better??

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 13:08:15 GMT

Ok, it's been established people are dicks, and then people with dicks are major assholes.

So therefore, I'm not going to let it affect me. I have a performance saturday and homework due and things to do. I can't let it affect me.

I just wish for one night, I can get a restful sleep. I feel drained and worse than I did before I fell asleep every time I wake up. That's not a good thing at all.

I wish I had a fucking bed and not a fucking futon. But no, my mother wants more uses for her money...ugh. why did I not object more to her? Why did I agree with her at the moment?....

But number one on my list before anything is to clean my room. and by clean I mean organize cause it's really just that I haven't completely moved in yet @__@;;;; after like two months.....>.>;;;;

?_?

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:00:39 GMT

Am I weird to like it when I drive by myself for long periods of time??

Driving is relaxing. Driving is my time to myself. My steering wheel can be the equivalent to my pillow. It knows all that I'm going through, good and bad.

I don't understand people who insist on someone take a long drive with them. "Hey I need company coming up to gville who wants to join me?"

I'm not ragging on them. I just don't get them. Unless you want to spend time with a certain somebody, I don't see why you would insist on someone being with you.

Maybe it's just my personality. I'm a sort of new wave loner. I like knowing people, going to parties and hanging out, but honestly I most definitely like my space and lots of me time. It's sort of selfish, but I'm just like that.

I guess that's why I don't really call my friends or start the conversations that much. I let people come to me. It's a lonely life, but I don't think I'm worth the effort.

And yet I complain about not fitting in sometimes. Ohhh the contradictions.

I've said it many times: I'm a walking contradiction. Blah. It all depends on my amount of bitchiness for that day I suppose.

crrrrazzyyyyyy

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 04:57:26 GMT

Ok first let me say that once things get balanced a bit I will read everything and respond to all the stuff piling up in my inbox XD I have tons of lj entries to go through and I still have unresponded comments to reply to.

Anyway,

I just wanted to say thanks to you amazing friends out there who've been there with me though this shit i've been going through. you guys are the best. Even if you didn't know about it in time it's all good, I know you would've been there for me if you did. =)

Thanks for all the love and support. I'm getting better.

other than that...i've been busy like whoa and I will be for a bit. Moving, cleaning, ugh tons of stuff. when I get time I will update you all on everything, until then peace, love, and happiness

BAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII